My Soulmates

It's hard to really begin this piece, but I mainly think it's necessary for the world to know how deeply connect my girls are. We are simply one word; soulmates.

What has brought up this whole post though I must start at the beginning and work my way back. Which is where I will bring you back to the four or five days of college I attended. I can never remember. I was so afraid to tell my friends, I wanted to leave and when I did and they convinced me to stay open minded and I did, for one more day. They couldn't know, I just wanted to be home, to be comfortable again. I would've given anything to have the summer back with my girls. I wasn't ready to give them up. And the moment I decided to leave, I was so worried it would change everything. I texted them to let them know I was leaving and didn't hear a word from anyone for a whole day. I contemplated my life alone at that point (I know, jumping the gun just a little bit) But I felt like it wasn't like my friends not to respond in some way for a whole day. And I wondered what it would be like, my lonely life. Going to work everyday and coming home alone. It seemed so sad and disappointing and I soon started to regret the decision of leaving school, only because it seemed to upset my best friends greatly.

I did hear from them and all the worry was soon lifted off my shoulders, but I carried around this overwhelming since of saddness after that. This sense of lonliness even though one of my best friends was still down the street, (thank god for that.) I can't really explain it, I just felt that maybe I still had shattered something because we barely every talked together. The four of us were clearly in different places at this moment, adjusting to our new lives. Days elapsed before I would talk to Jordan and Kelsey, when we didn't go a day without at least texting. Everything felt weird for me. Sometimes I felt left out, wondering why my friends couldn't confide in me because it felt like whenever we talked we barely grazed the surface of what used to be the deepest conversations anyone could experience.

This past weekend, Kelsey came home for the weekend and something shifted. I felt connected to everything again in away I hadn't felt in what felt like a long time. There were so many exciting things happening in our lives, and we experience a jam packed weekend with no sleep at all. It felt good to get back to normal. Laugh and love again with my girls.

Just a few hours ago I just confessed probably some of the most bottled up emotions I've been feeling to months and cried my eyes out while Skype chatting to Kelsey, as Bridget walked in alarmed and then started to cry too. And I can't explain how raw and beautiful that moment was. We all just opened up to each other via so many different ways of communication but at least it was communication. And when I confessed my fear of being alone because of what I did, my very wise and beautiful best friend replied, "Soulmates just don't leave." And so they don't.

My best friends have been through more than any best friends have. We've experienced happiness, love, loss, pain, tears and laughter. We've seen our worst fears and faced them together head on and I know we're going to make it through just fine. Because soulmates are there for life and I guess I didn't fully understand the concept till Bridget explained it to me so clearly; they don't just leave. Maybe I shouldn't try to let them leave just because that's all I know. I have lossed so many friends because of change, because of college. It is perhaps my biggest fear to lose them too because of this. Because them I simply can't bear leaving. I've managed to cope with the rest of my losses, even though they're cross my mind everyday like a ghost passing by.

And I still can't, even in this blog, profess my undying gradtitude and love I have for these girls. They are each apart of me in someway. The way I lick my fingers is a habit of Jordans only we realize, the sarcasm of Bridget has rubbed off on me quite well and well Kelsey and I never truly realize how perfect we are married until we're being absolutely silly together and professing the sillest thing. God I love these girls, they warm my heart and soul and I can't honestly believe I was lucky enough to have found them. And we found each other in so many different fashions. I've known Bridget since Kindergarten, Kelsey a few years later (until we lost touch and reconnected in middle school) and Jordan not until our Sophmore year in High School. But it seems so much longer. The point is how can girls who know each other on different levels, different amounts of time and in different ways (For example: Jordan and I met through dance, our common love, and the other girls met her through classes) then how do we gel so well together? Because it was meant to be, I truly believe that. We were meant to be best friends perhaps for the rest of our lives.

And I fear I have not nearly explained my soulmates enough, but when they read this I have a feeling they will be satisfied, till they see what a terrible job my grammar and spelling skills were. Because I'm sure there are many, mainly because it's 3:30 in the morning and I want to be sleeping just like Bridget is next to me. But I just had to express my love and everything that had just happened, it just felt necessary.

Until next time,
Cassidy Doris